We always have some friends who are in harmony with everyone on the surface and seem to be indifferent, shuttled through social scenes of all sizes. Strangely, everyone's evaluation of them in secret is not high. Sometimes it is not that there i...
We always have some friends who are in harmony with everyone on the surface and seem to be indifferent, shuttled through social scenes of all sizes. Strangely, everyone's evaluation of them in secret is not high. Sometimes it is not that there is a clear lack of personality, but that it is caused by some blindness in the relationship between people. Psychologist JillWeber believes that the following 3 common social styles are most likely to be misunderstood as being able to attract good people, and actually make people far away or even dismiss theatres, including:
1. Players at the sceneSome people worry that their original personality is not disliked, or in order to gain certain evaluations, they always wear "masks" in social gatherings, such as desperately talking about jokes, complaining about others to highlight their sense of humor; or discussing certain topics that they are not familiar with, and using "facial understanding" to attract attention.
Such people are not the true self regardless of their expression. It is an image they carefully shaped. Of course people may think you are interesting, but as time goes by, you will find that socializing is always tiring and difficult to establish a truly close relationship with others because people never understand the real you.
What can be done: "True sincerity" is the way to socialize for a long time. Give up playing a certain role, reduce the time to "dress up", and try to have a sincere conversation with others. If you are afraid that you are not good enough, try to say less, read more and listen, and slowly correct yourself from the suggestions given by others.
2. Overshadowed silenceSome people cannot stand silence, whether they are afraid of embarrassment or are born to share everything about themselves, they always think, "What should I say now?" They may chatter about skin-touching pets, mentally ill family members, private secret relations, and there seems to be no forbidden area. But the listener may be overwhelmed by the inability to respond to these overly sensitive privacy issues. Your enthusiasm and generosity will cause others to suffer.
How to do it: Practice to distinguish which topics can be discussed in public and which are only suitable for private chats, and remind yourself: You are not the only one who is responsible for resolving embarrassment, and occasional short silence is harmless.
3. People of the sacrificial worshippers are very special. They are not bad at all. On the contrary, "there are too good people" is the biggest blindness. They are willing to host gatherings, stir-fry the atmosphere, drive and pick up restaurants, book a card and pay by paying …… When they need help, they will always stand on the first line. But JillWeber pointed out: "Many people don't understand why they have tried to be a good person, but they still don't have a good person. The problem lies in their mentality. If it is to cater to everyone, people can actually feel that deliberate feeling; and your personality charm and personal characteristics are completely buried, so naturally they cannot establish a fulfilling connection with others."JillWeber Finally, I reminded: Listening, being honest, and being yourself are the most important principles. Then slowly explore and find the most suitable social style for you, so you don’t have to worry about contacting people who are truly intentional.
(
